1L, Life is Hell

h/t to Caleb Howe

“1L,” or the first year of law school, is supposed to be the hardest year of any aspiring lawyer’s life. I was assured of this no less than 57 times during the course of my first day, which also introduced me to the concepts of “cold calls,” and “wetting your pants in public and, surprisingly, not being ashamed or judged for it”–which of course followed seconds after the first cold call.

It wasn’t as bad as everyone said it was going to be, but it was sort of an exhilarating exercise in self-hate. It was hard work; we cried, and passed out exhausted in the library, and set alarms reminding us to eat. We spent massive amounts of money on casebooks, supplements, and legal pads, made down payments on bar review courses, and accumulated years of sleep debt. It was a bonding experience, and—with the exception of only a few—we made it out on the other side.

Now, I’m wondering if two more years of abuse is really going to be worth it. Of course, this is a wry, snarky thought at best, but this morning, after about 5 hours of working on my casenote for law review, a friend happened to shoot this video my way, and it really made me want to light something on fire:

How Long Do YOU Work for the Tax Man?

All of a sudden, the “I’ve thought about dropping out of law school at least 10 times today” Facebook group doesn’t seem so sarcastic. I know that this video is from the UK, and I know that we’re not quite on their level yet, but it’s definitely where we’re heading. Pleasure tax? VAT tax? Everything in that video is the product of progressive mental masturbation, and I don’t think anyone with a reasonably functional brain can deny that we’re seeing an awful lot of that in this country.

After the urge to destroy my research abated, I attempted to make a list of occupations where I could at least avoid the massive income tax hikes being thrown around by this Administration:

1. marauding vagrant
2. stripper with a heart of gold, not residing in Nevada
3. SEIU rep (see also, “marauding vagrant,” supra)
4. Health and Human Services Secretary (ahem)
5. being Wesley Snipes, Nicholas Cage, or an illegal immigrant (racist!)

That’s pretty much it, though I’m pretty sure that Obama will find a way to start taxing those train-jumping hobos any day now. At any rate, those occupations still wouldn’t help me avoid VAT or pleasure taxes.

I am officially angry. I can see massive taxes heading my way, because (forgive me) I’m setting myself up to earn a substantial amount of money when I graduate. When I see how hard I work, and how hard my friends work, the whole thing just pisses me off even more. Before I started my professional degree, I didn’t get how hard it is, and how stressful it is, to incur so much debt (monetary and sleep) just so you can practice in a career you’ll enjoy. Before law school, I knew that “leveling the playing field” and “spreading the wealth” was fundamentally wrong and anti-American, but I didn’t fully understand that “leveling the playing field” means downplaying and impugning the efforts of people who spend decades working toward a dream, while exhorting the downtroddenness/minority status/sob stories of people who spend decades sitting on government aid—provided by the lawyers and doctors of the world!

I’m not going to quit law school; I love it too much to let Obama and his thugs browbeat me into giving it up. However, I have a new goal: if I can use my law degree to do so, I will do everything I can do put a stop to the progressive takeover of the hearts and minds of the American people. There is no equity in income redistribution. I should not have to work six out of eight hours (who am I kidding, with my proposed eight hour days) to provide food, clothing, and shelter to people who cannot provide for themselves. This is not anti-human, or anti-Christian, or anti-anything; it is the embodiment of the ideal that one’s right to life, liberty, and property does not create an automatic duty in others to surrender the fruits of frustrating, exhausting labor to others who have done nothing to earn them.

For anyone out there who still feels entitled to a chunk of my future salary, I propose a challenge: sometime over the next two years, spend a day walking in my shoes. I’ll gladly let you spend the day briefing cases until you’re cross-eyed and getting your ass kicked by professors whose job it is to make you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. Then, at the end of the day, I’ll happily inform you that, of the 20 or so hours you just dragged yourself through, only 6 or so of those hours were actually spent working toward your own ends. The remaining hours were spent working to provide a more comfortable lifestyle for people who did not care to earn it.

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