Every Time You Act Like a Raging Pansy, God Kills a Kitten

Originally published at RedState on 01/09/09

PLEASE, Mr. Obama, THINK OF THE KITTENS.

Strike 1: Linking to ANYTHING from CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/01/09/world/worldwatch/entry4709170.shtml

Strike 2: Linking to a CBS News article that links to an article from The Guardian.

Mulligan: Tying those links to Battlestar Galactica, country music.

Everyone knows The Guardian is kind of a rag. If I hadn’t cross-referenced this article through the UK’s Times, our Times, and various links on Fark , I’d still be writing a full post on the benefits of having Clint Eastwood step in as POTUS (which would have been awesome, but there are more pressing matters.)

It seems as though about 75% of the world has flipped on the Israeli-Gaza conflict. At first, there was a lot of righteous indignation, flag-waving, and support for Israel. Now, two weeks and a few photos of dead Palestinians later, the international community has gone completely premenstrual. We’ve got the loyal Kos readers using the “K” word (I thought they were all rainbows and free love?), Facebook groups called “I SUPPORT PALESTINE AGAINST THE TERRORISM OF ISREAL” (WITH CAPS LOCK AND MISSPELLINGS TO CONVEY OUR RAGE!!! Idiots), and the UN threatening ISREAL with sanctions for war crimes.

I quit the world.

The day my president sits down for tea with Islamic terrorists is the day I move to a houseboat in the middle of a lake in Switzerland (don’t worry, RedStaters, I’ll fly an American flag 🙂 Assuming what’s in this article has a modicum of truth attached to it, I feel like it might be a good time to finish that bunker I started on election night.

How is it that America has become a nation of complete weenies? When did that happen? And how do we stop it?

Since when to American presidents cavort with the likes of Hamas? Since when do American presidents even entertain the idea of cavorting with the likes of Hamas?

Somewhere along the line, we lost our chutzpah.

Somewhere along the line, we lost the will to tell the rest of the world to frack off. (This phenomenon probably coincided with the uproar over the use of the non-word “frack” on Battlestar Galactica.)

Somewhere along the line, we started worrying about the self-esteem of international terrorists, and listening quietly to the opinions of Iranian dictators. We lost our sense of God and Country, and let our fear of being unpopular overcome our fear of being blown up.

It’s time to man up, America. Until January 20, Obama gets a free pass—he can blow off questions and flip flop and play Wii Bowling with his kids and show off his sculpted chest and flash boyish grins all he wants until he gets inaugurated. Until Inauguration Day, I will continue to ignore his lack of opinion on EVERYTHING not related to our tanking economy. Considering the guy is probably still in a state of shock over winning the election, I don’t think my position on this is completely out of line. For Obama, on January 20, t=0.

But not for us.

For all of us who will NOT be taking some sort of oath of office on January 20, now is the time for setting fire to the status quo. I’m tired of clean-looking men in expensive suits drafting laws to swaddle me in layers of bubble wrap and wipe my mind clean of “dangerous” conservative idealism. I don’t think there aren’t enough scoundrels in our lives. Sleazebags, sure—we’ve got battalions of sleazebags running around the place—but what we need is a maverick.

I call for an end to the mollycoddling, pantywaisted, can’t-hack-it brand of politics. It’s time to hark back to the days of post-9/11 patriotic fervor, when we were all tearing up at Toby Keith concerts, and put our boots in the hind ends of terrorists. If we don’t do something soon, we’re in danger of letting Nicolas Sarkozy become the next legitimate badass (he’s dashing, he’s exotic, and his wife was a supermodel…you do the math.)

On January 20, it will be Barack Obama’s job to ensure the security of the free world…and it will our job to make sure he never gets away with simply voting “present.”

We live in more of a pussy generation now, where everybody’s become used to saying, “Well, how do we handle it psychologically?” In those days, you just punched the bully back and duked it out. Even if the guy was older and could push you around, at least you were respected for fighting back, and you’d be left alone from then on.

~Clint Eastwood, a legitimate American badass

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